Daily Life in Franceland

I know. I am terrible at updating this blog regularly. I know. I know. But to be honest there hasn’t been much of excitement happening around here since we got back from our Christmas vacation. Here is a brief overview.

Little of interest happened for most of early January. There were a few inches of snow over one weekend, and the city basically shut down; after a day or two, it melted away, and since then we’ve been hovering around a steady seven degrees or so, with a bit of occasional rain. I’ve been out a few times to my clubs and social events, including a wonderful party for the Epiphany, featuring games, quizzes, condoms as prizes, general silliness, and me sitting under the table calling out names of who gets the next piece of cake (apparently a tradition for the youngest person at the party to do); aside from that, I have mostly been hanging around the house, writing, drawing, and occasionally helping out. Sometimes I go out for walks, but overall it is not really all that pleasant for walking about.

In the last week of January, mom and dad took off for a week in Marrakech, Morocco, for an early anniversary/private getaway vacation. I was left in charge of the household, and was therefore responsible for grocery shopping, laundry, and making sure there was food on the table. I discovered for certain what I already suspected – I am ready and capable of moving out on my own, but I really don’t want to be responsible for someone else’s (in this case, my mom and dad’s) household, and I especially do not want to be responsible for someone else’s children (especially someone else’s teenagers). They have now returned, which was wonderful for me, even though dad almost immediately turned around and left for a work-related trip to Georgia (the state, not the country).

There have been two things lately happening in my personal life. The first has been my ongoing attempt to start adapting my wardrobe to my real preferences, which has resulted in me picking up a couple new pairs of pants, a pair of leggings, and new earrings; upon my return home, I am going to go through my clothes, and a lot of them will be going in a giveaway bag. Up next on my list of purchases: a lipstick in a neutral shade, to help tone down the ridiculous natural redness of my lips (likely to be bought for cheap at the market on Wednesday), and a chest binder, which I will be ordering online.

Both of these things, and to a lesser extent the other items of clothing I have bought lately, are related to the second thing that’s been going on: my recent struggles with trying to work out just what my gender identity is, and how I want to express it and have other people treat it. I was having a lot of trouble for a while, but I think I might be moving onto the right path, and things are looking up, even if they’re not perfect yet. (And, in case you’re wondering, no, you don’t have to change the pronouns used to refer to me, but it would be nice if you could tone down references to me as a girl.)

Anyway. It’s been complicated, it’s still complicated, and it’s an ongoing process. If anyone has questions, you guys know how to reach me. Don’t worry – I’m not going to clam up at any mention of the subject. You can ask.

Other than that, not much worth mentioning has been happening. Next week, however, will be a different story entirely: Nami is arriving for a visit in less than five days. On Saturday morning, I will be getting up at an actually reasonable hour and catching the airport shuttle out to pick her up from her flight. She’s getting in at 11:30. Right now I kind of just want to go to sleep and wake up on Saturday morning. I’m sick of waiting.

Overall, I guess, the message is, life is good, if complicated and occasionally speckled with irritation, impatience, and moments of self-doubt. But somehow, I feel like in a week, everything will be okay.

Peace. <3